You know that one movie you bought because the
cover looks just awesome, and when you watch it turns out to be a
bad acted b-movie with a cheap story? Yeah, me too, love every second of it.
Satan's little helper is just that, it ain’t too old, it's gory, it's funny, what can I say? It’s an awesome and interesting B-movie. Directed by Jeff Lieberman (yeah, never heard of him either) in 2004, this movie is the perfect Halloween themed entertainment for pretty much
anyone, giving they don't have the sense of humor of a brick (apologies to Kirsten Steward).
Plot:
The story of this movie is pretty interesting for a horror flick, well, to be honest a good story is pretty much the only thing this movie has going for, ok, except for another thing but we'll get to the medieval hotty hotness later. The main character of this story is Dougie, a kid who is obsessed with the game 'Satan’s little helper', a crappy flash game that the creators of the movie spend maybe less than five minutes animating with f8ing office paint. Anyway, the main idea of the game is to help Satan kill as many people as possible, yeah, that sounds...healthy. whatever happened to the good old days when games were about saving a princess from a mutated turtle or getting it on with a hooker in your stolen car, killing her with your bare
fists take back your money and buy a flamethrower to burn the innocents to
ashes until you had six stars and they had to bring the f8cking army to stop
you...yeah I know, I have issues.
Anyway, Dougie's sister, Jenna AKA miss mc-hotty
comes back from college to spend Halloween with her little
brother and brings along her boyfriend Alex, and since Dougie's pretty
possessive of his sister he gets pretty pissed off and runs off to 'find Satan'. He does not find Satan unfortunately but he does find a psychopath dressed as Satan who places the bodies of his victims as Halloween decoration. Dougie begs if he can be his little helper, thinking the guy is actually the Satan from his game. They both then go on an epic quest to murder the whole f8ing town, and they do a pretty good job at it actually. It is only when
Dougie realize it all is real and that it's not a joke that he starts to panic
(and seriously, how could he have thought it was a joke? Satan literally stabbed a dude in front of him, that's gotta be the best prank ever. Bite your heart out Ashton Kutcher).
So
little Dougie runs off home and try to stop his deranged psychopath BFF from
killing his family and what is left of the town.
It’s one of those movies where they had a pretty
good concept but also unfortunately the everlasting curse of the poor budget. After
ten minutes in the movie I seriously started to wonder whether I would watch it
or turn it off lying to myself I did my best. But after a while it got better,
well not the acting, that was still horrible, really, really horrible. But later on in the movie I found myself
enjoying this movie, quite a lot actually. Ok maybe the fact that Dougie’s
sister Jenna decided to wear a skin thigh corset that really that really showed
her (Ehm) acting skills throughout
the rest of the movie really helped me loving the hell out of this, but still.
There are some parts of this movie that are so
out of place that it instantly makes it hilarious for all the wrong reasons,
the biggest example is probably the ‘friendship’ between the kid and satan, if you would edit it a bit you could change
this into a kid’s friendly movie about a boy and his best friend satan
shopping, walking trough the park, playing in parking lots with shopping carts,
all it needs is a bit of music really XD.
The biggest problem I have with this movie apart
from the horrible acting and the poor budget is the big message they try to
send, “Videogames are bad and make people accept violence! Praise the lord Jesus
Christ and not satan and all that bulls8t”, yeah, because before videogames
there were absolutely no psycho’s, tell that to Ed Gain, someone who probably
hasn’t seen a TV in his whole life, but I’m getting off topic here.
The whole movie everybody seems to be obsessed with
this game, Dougies mother is having a blast, Jenna’s boytoy is trying to beat
the high score, and even some potheads outside find the game and play it like Paris
Hilton at a coke party. Let me just say that apparently Jeff Lieberman is not a
gamer, and knows nothing of that subject. And I know I go on about this detail a bit too
much but it was something that bothered me throughout the whole movie really, propaganding
us proud gamers like a bunch of slow sadistic rejects of society, now if you
don’t mind I got to wrap this review up, two more hookers and I get an achievement,
whohoo, flamethrower.
Things I’ve learned from ‘Satan’s little helper’:
- Satan’s a pretty cool guy, until you tell him
he can’t rape your sister of course
- Biting your nails? Then your momma is probably
going to die, sorry
- The police’s IQ in a horror movie has never
been so low
- Everybody in this town is retarded, I’m not joking
- Who needs acting skills when you’ve got a
cleavage? :D
